No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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