His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
