I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
