I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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