new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
