i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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