I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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