I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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