I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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