I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize