More tranny stories later!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
