Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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