i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
