After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
