Your tits are I can't wait for
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
