I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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