Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
