my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
