When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
