god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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