omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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