somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
