I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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