So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
