something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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