he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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