You're so nebulous sometimes
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
did you just send me my own nude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
