I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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