And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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