Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
