420 ftw
one two three fourrrrnication!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize