im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
