she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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