Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
