going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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