I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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