If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
