Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
