idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
