i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
