i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
