yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
