He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
