Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
