Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
