awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
