When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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