Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could make wine with my vomit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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