her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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