and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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