Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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