i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
