Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
