Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
