I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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