I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
