I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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