We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
