I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
