He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
