i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
