do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
