well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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