No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
