I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
