I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
