Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
