I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need water and some morals
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
