pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let's get the cat blown out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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