It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
