He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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